dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You made out with two different species that night
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
