A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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