Dude my mom stole all your condoms
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
