i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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