Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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