True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Vodka?
Forever.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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