Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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