do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
She made me pour olive oil on her.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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