burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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