My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
