The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
