He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
