I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
