I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
