Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
