ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
