hell yes lets make some ravioli
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
