So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
