I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Life is so much better after having sex.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
