fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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