You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
