apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
