Can i not drive my cunt home
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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