the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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