So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
