When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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