so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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