i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
