he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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