defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
