the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
