Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
