I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
