Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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