is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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