So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize