All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
this just has baby written all over it
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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