omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
i think my cat just said my name.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
