God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
