That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
