How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Two words: nipple clamps
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