You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
