So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Less talking, more tequila
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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