i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
