All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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