By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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