he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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