Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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