Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cock deserves a montage
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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