I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
