I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
