check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
