i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm really busy with my period
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