I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
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You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
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