When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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