i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
