no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
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If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
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Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So much rum. So many feels.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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