no, he came in my armpit
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
