so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
