This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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