lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
