how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
we're making bets on your personal life
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
