the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
