im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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