So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
