whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
