I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
