the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
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The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
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Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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