I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
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My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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