I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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