jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
