i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize