I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
just tell him i said nine months
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Randomize
