Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
