If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Mom said you looked used
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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