I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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