theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize