i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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