He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
