I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I have feelings that need drinking.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob