New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.