You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.