I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.