sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?