Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
