she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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