im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.