I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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