he puts the penis in happiness.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
